Communication, Mastery, Relationships, State of Mind

Why We Fight So Hard To Keep Our Negative Beliefs

💡I woke up this morning and thought to myself: “I’ll argue over breakfast, today!”💡

…said NOBODY EVER 🤐

😩 Then why does this still happen? Take today, for instance: I wake up, do my meditation, read, journal and generally start my day feeling great. Then I sit down for breakfast and proceed to argue with my partner. 🤯

It goes something like this. I say: “You are WRONG!”

And then all hell breaks loose. 💥

Have you ever done this?

 🙏 After apologising, I took a moment to reflect on my behaviour this morning, as is my current practice. I proceeded to forgive myself for judging Nezha as wrong, for judging myself as right, for creating drama over breakfast, and so on.

🤔 Why do I do this? Because if I didn’t, I would be silently beating myself up all day with critical analysis. Not fun. And not productive in any way.

My old practice, when this sort of thing would happen, would be to stuff it all down, compartmentalise it, and leave it to fester in the shadows of my psyche. 🤯

Instead, self forgiveness allows us to let go of old behaviours we no longer want. 😇

If we don’t forgive ourselves, the judgement we hold against ourselves will eat us alive and it will cause us to act out again. Judgement of ourselves will always result in “justified” acts as in: “I was justified to say x,y,z!”

☠ At that moment, the loop will officially have closed around your neck and the limiting belief that exists behind the judgment is buried further. That is why this work is so important.

While I was writing down the judgements I was holding on to and the behaviour motivated by those judgements, I came to the realisation that I portion out my love. I judge when, how much and for how long I offer my love. 💙

This was a big revelation for me, but then it went a step further: Because what we judge in another, is also what we judge in ourselves.

I realised that I deem myself worthy or unworthy of receiving my love. I use my business success, my relationship status or my finances to measure how much or how little my portion should be.

I judge myself unworthy of receiving my love, therefore I am unworthy of love.

🥳 JACKPOT!!!! 🤩

At that moment, a doorway to transformation opened.🚪

This portioning out of love is the root of so much insecurity and self-esteem issues right here: Once we deem ourselves unlovable, we usually go on to deem ourselves as wrong and undeserving too. 😩

And what happens then?

The judgement kicks in, doing what it does best: Proving itself to be true.✅

That’s when we act out, and we cut ourselves off from happiness. 😥We act out and cut ourselves off from joy. From success. From being seen. Why? Because we think we are unworthy and so we must be punished. 🥺

To get an idea about how this inner system works, think back to when someone last tried to prove you wrong. How did you feel? Did you stand your ground? Did you cave in to their opinions and conceded? 😒

Of course you didn’t. You began to search your mind for justifications. You began to search Google for evidence…TO PROVE HOW RIGHT YOU ARE.

That’s exactly what our hidden beliefs do. My hidden belief that I am “unworthy of love” has lead to heartache after heartache in so many ways.💔

The judge in me starts looking for all the ways to prove himself right about how unworthy I am. How unlovable I am. 😔

So today, as you start your day – or whenever you read this – consider this idea 💡:

What if the problems you are experiencing today have nothing to do with the people or circumstances that they appear to be attached to? But are instead an expression of your own beliefs and judgements about who you think you are. Beliefs that, if seen, can be let go of.

So, just for today, pick one disturbance that has rattled your peace of mind. 🤯

Write it down and ask yourself: What is the judgement that is keeping me in this loop of experience with this person or situation?

Once you have it, forgive yourself for ever believing it was true.

Keep repeating: I forgive myself for judging my self as…

Or: I forgive myself for buying into the belief that…

 😇As you make some space inside, the heaviness will lift and a new awareness will take its place. Higher levels of perspective and mental clarity emerge that you can channel into your leadership, your business projects – and, of course, your life.

Sending love,

Ryan

Author


Avatar