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100% Responsibility, Leadership, State of Mind

I finally reached the end of a challenging month. I spent 4 weeks oscillating between sickness and conflict. Surprisingly I felt like a king at the beginning of the month. 

Ain’t it funny how 4 weeks can change things. 

The struggles helped me to realise something very important that I wanted to share with you today. 

Who I am is not determined by chance.

Who I am is determined by an act of creation.

Let me clarify that I am not talking about the act of creation that forced me out the womb and into the world. I am talking about an even more important ‘birthday’. The moments after we wake up each day. 

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been starting my days and ending my nights with a series of important questions. These are declarations of who I AM and a detailed vision of my future self. I call this my daily act of creation.

One of the questions I ask is: ‘who am I?’ 

If you care about the quality of your life, you wont leave this question to chance. 

You see, for the last month I stopped asking this question so often. I stopped reading my vision and declarations too. 

I felt sorry for myself for feeling sick, I woke up later and later, with less and less time available in the mornings.

The less time I spent on my daily act of creation, the faster I slipped into reaction. 

(Funny how those two words have the same letters, don’t you think?)

R.E.A.C.T.I.O.N – C.R.E.A.T.I.O.N

Soon, I was like a ship without a captain. I ended up against the rocks. It happened so slowly that I hardly noticed. It wasn’t until the waves of chaos frothed around my head that I realized what’s going on. 

Stress, arguments, tension and frustration dominated my mind. Then the self-judgement conflicts crept in too.

This impacted my motivation and my desire to create content and show up online. The inner conflict slowed down my mind. It left me feeling disconnected from myself. It left me feeling disconnected from my mission, and my relationship too.

Have you ever felt this?

After a particularly difficult day I thankfully chose to spend a half day alone in silence to reflect. What have I changed? Then I remembered my daily act of creation was missing. Could that be the reason? It turns out that it was. 

What I’ve learned from all of this is that who you are today is the result of who you chose to be today and the night before.

I would go as far as to say that creating yourself daily is the most important thing you will ever do. Why? Because what happens when we don’t do this is that we become our old habituated self. The one we created in high school. Trust me, that isn’t the self you want running your life. 

What that self needs is a loving parent to take care of him or her so that they feel safe. Instead of acting out!

When we wake up each day we have a choice either to allow ourselves to recognise that this insecure part of ourselves is a confused and frightened child. Our job is to be the parent of that younger self, not be that younger self. 

You’ll quickly notice the difference if you neglect that choice. The self that you act from triggers the thoughts that you think and take seriously. This tiggers behaviour and actions which trigger results directly correlated to that first choice. Who am I? Parent or Child?

Who do you choose to be today? Do you know the answer?

Here are 3 ways to help you get started 

  1. Start with who you don’t want to be, and begin to reverse each role or behaviour trait that isn’t working. 
  2. If you are clear on what your vision of what you want to have or do, consider who you will need to be to make that possible?
  3. Ask yourself honestly: If i knew that i could be there for myself today as the parent I never had, who would I need to be? 

Each of these are powerful ways to connect to that person or self. 

Record your answers in a journal and write them out as statements of truth. 

Here are a few of mine 

  • I AM calm deliberate action/asking
  • I AM loving kindness
  • I AM megalithic strength and stability
  • I AM that fully feeling anger and anxiety without blame or judgement leads to peace 
  • I AM that money is an effect not a cause 
  • I AM that I lead with laughter and lightness
  • I AM free, and nothing creates my experience except me in each moment 
  • I AM loved, lovable, and loving always 
  • I AM that I AM the farther and leader i’ve been longing to save me 
  • I AM that I AM a being of priceless value

Test this out for yourself. 

Answer the three questions above and create your own declarations. 

Notice how you feel when you take over the role of deciding who you are instead of hoping you can live upto your own expectations 

If you enjoyed this article please share and like and leave a comment below. I read and reply to everyone.

Lastly, If you are struggling or want to know more about the process above feel free to reach out 

Much love,



Listening, Relationships, State of Mind

I was talking with a client recently about his lack of desire for his partner. How he feels like he doesn’t want to be sexual with her anymore.😰

Upset about this, scared about his future and wondering what he should do to improve things he asked what to do? 🤷🏻‍♂️

But instead of going deeper into the relationship topic, I decided to explore a new direction.🛤

I asked him about how much desire he feels in his life in general?

💗 You see sexual desire is creative desire, it’s the energy of life itself, and if it’s stifled in one area you can be sure that it is being stifled in other areas too.

He said “well now you mention it I don’t. I felt excited when I first started my business, and when I was first dating but then it left.🚪

“What about before you started your business, and before you started dating did you feel much desire then?” 💗

“No, now you mention it, most things feel flat. I’ve worked hard and strove to better myself for years and never allowed myself much or any time for anything else.”

Does this sound familiar?

We discovered that he’d never permitted himself to do something playful or joyful that was healthy in his adult life. Since the age of 15, he’d worked and strove to be better and be taken seriously. 😠

To him, the idea of play was something that felt great but wasn’t something he could allow until his life was better!

Yet, whenever his life got better and he had extra time he would fill it with more work. Or would create a project (usually a challenging relationship) that required his full attention.

No present moment play allowed!! 🛑

He realised that seriousness was his primary way of being. Everything he did was supporting this perspective but he couldn’t figure out why or how to stop it?

What we discovered was when he was 10 or 11 he started to act seriously to feel safe. This mask was a protection mechanism. Whenever he was feeling scared about things in his life that were out of his immediate control. ⛑

He’d developed his seriousness to protect himself. But now it was strangling his ability to grow. ☠️

This was a big breakthrough and a powerful lesson. We discovered that by choosing seriousness he created a life that was void of desire.

And a life void of desire is no life at all!

👨🏻‍✈️We generally think that we need to control our desires, and that’s true in the case of unhealthy desire. But when it comes to levelling up in life and business, we need to access our hearts desires to leap up to a new level of opportunity and service.

Higher-level opportunities and service = more money and time always. With the added extra of feeling in alignment with yourself. 🤩

A win, win, win. 🥇

But this equation must be reverse-engineered back to desire first before it can be possible.

If desires message isn’t heard it’s impossible to grow. And because desire feeds on joyful self-expression and play, we must activate these factors first to achieve Real Growth.

Real Growth = Fulfilment of our Hearts Desire! 💗

What we decided to do was to take a dedicated look at what was draining him and what he could do less off. And listed a bunch of hobbies, or activities that would be fun, for the sake of fun.

He began to replace constant work (usually in the form of constant worry) with 5% more playtime.

I’ll keep you updated on his results 🙂

Until then!!

Just For Today:

  • Scan your life, do you feel connected to your heart’s desire? Or are you trying to justify and explain why things are the way they are?
  • Notice if you’ve allowed yourself to be playful recently? Or spent time doing things with that are for no other purpose but the expansion of joy? 😊
  • Consider what your life, your business, your relationship will look like if you aren’t feeling and following your heart’s desire 💗
  • And decide if a small amount of play will be an investment worth making? And make it today, start listing what you would love to do and make time for it.

Leadership, Mastery, State of Mind

🌨Just the other day I was heading out to meet some friends for a game of pool. As we left our house it looked like it was raining. Then I felt ice on my face and realised it was snow. It confused me a little, and I didn’t know how to react. 🤷🏻‍♂️

❅ I love the snow, but this was not the kind of snow I loved. 

🤩It had completely captured my attention until suddenly the bus arrived and I realised I didn’t have a ticket to board! (You need to buy a ticket first in Stockholm.) I quickly bought one and sat down, laughing at myself for being so consumed in the weather.🙃 

🌨 This made me think about how often I used to find myself caught up in internal Thought Storms like this during the day. It was never an exciting thing like a Snow Storm tho, mostly it was just my worries and fears about what wasn’t working out. 😰

❅ This would always happen when I didn’t have a clear way of organising my time and energy. Outside circumstances would kick off the snow globe in my head. 🌨😨

💡A new idea would pop up mid-way through a task, then I would think to myself “maybe I should change my plans?” “Maybe this is a better idea?” 

☠️This was the death of productivity, creativity and freedom ⛓

As Stephen Covey said

“Only the disciplined are truly free. The undisciplined are slaves to moods, appetites and passions.” 

🌨The moment indecision crept in like this, the thought storm began, and it drove me nuts! Because at some point the “bus” would turn up! I would have to be somewhere or do something that we agreed to and I wasn’t ready. 🤦‍♂️

😡Then I would get angry with myself for letting myself down, Then begin to Judge myself endlessly. 👨🏻‍⚖️

Has anyone else had a similar experience? 

 🕵🏻‍♂️ One solution I discovered to stop this is a gentle decision to examine how to use my time, and where I place my focus throughout the day. Vs where we think I should be or would like to be. ✅

I do this by completing a time audit to discover the objective truth about what is getting in my way and what is causing my distractions. And also to discover what activities are in alignment with what “I say” I want to accomplish. ✅

“The truth needs no defence” Ryan Branch

💰It can be a little challenging to do this, like going through a bank statement to better understand where our money is being spent. But when we do it, we can cut back on the little silly ways we waste our money and save up for something more exciting instead. 🎁

It’s the same for our time, energy and attention. Once you slow down and examine how you spend all of your time throughout the day, you also learn how you spend your energy and attention. Three of our greatest commodities. 💰

🏆 Two major wins occur: Firstly, we get more done. Secondly, we stop feeling shitty about getting distracted. (Not to mention all the judgement and guilt that goes along with it.) 

Just For Today…

How could you bring some focus on how you spend your time? 

And what could you learn about yourself in the process?

Sending love,💙



Leadership, Mastery, Relationships, State of Mind

🥣I was sitting with a bowl of Keto friendly vanilla ice cream the other night, marvelling at how this creation had no sugar in it and still tasted so yummy! 😋

Keto is my new thing at the moment, I have the positive peer pressure of my high performing friends Mark, Perry and Elom to thank for that! 💪

I digress, as I was eating this deliciousness 🍦I was thinking of all the ways you could complement this ice cream with different toppings and ingredients, flavours of every sort. 

🍨That’s the beauty of Vanilla Ice cream vs Chocolate or Strawberry, you can do anything with it and it will always work because of its vanilla!

This got me thinking about being classed as a vanilla kind of person. 👨‍💼Being someone who didn’t have a strong personality! A person who was easy to be around and can to blend into almost anything and improve that thing.

🧒🏻When I was growing up and looking for a male role model all I saw were men with big personalities fighting for attention, to me, this seemed to be what a real man was. 🥊

©So, I copied this, developing a strong personality that some would find overbearing and demanding. 

👺This personality developed further in high school with all the accompanying shame and fear that gets accumulated during our formative years. 

What I was left with was a flavour of personality that was becoming difficult to blend. 

Over the years I tried to improve my life and found success here and there, but what I didn’t realise until much later was that a stronger personality meant limitation. ⛓

Very little capacity for reinvention (the kind that transforms a bowl of vanilla ice cream into a hot fudge sundae or a banana split).

Have you ever experienced this, when you meet someone who is “set in their ways” no room for improvement or reinvention, just more of the same? 

Eventually, I realised that my ability to lead myself and others was not possible unless I began to strip away the personality I thought I was, to access my Core identity so to speak.

🏃🏼‍♂️Moving away from repetitive thoughts and behaviours that I had attached to WHO I AM. Such as people-pleasing, self-sabotage, and angry outbursts.

What I have found is that the more “vanilla” I become, the easier it is for me to become something else for a while without needing to stay that way permanently.🎭

Being vanilla means freedom from a pre-set outcome. A predetermined life. A permanent personality.

📚When you’re vanilla you become the Author of your own identity in each moment. Amazingly how the word Author and Authentic have the same etymological root) 

Could it be that real Authenticity is reinventing yourself from vanilla each time, each day, each moment? Like being a screenwriter and an actor at the same time! 

Can you imagine what that could do for you?  

To become an actor willing to take on any role, to BE or not to BE anyone you wish! without attachment?

So if you got this far, what are some of the limitations that your current flavour imposes on you? 

AND< Just for today, how could you be 5% more vanilla? 

With love,



Leadership, State of Mind, Time/Energy Management

You know that feeling when your daily routine just works out perfectly. Going to sleep at the right hour, waking up before the alarm, exercise and meditation, journaling and whatever else you decide to fit in. Well, that didn’t work out for me today! What I discovered about harnessing time and energy was totally worth it! Let me explain….