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Listening, Relationships, State of Mind

I was talking with a client recently about his lack of desire for his partner. How he feels like he doesn’t want to be sexual with her anymore.😰

Upset about this, scared about his future and wondering what he should do to improve things he asked what to do? 🤷🏻‍♂️

But instead of going deeper into the relationship topic, I decided to explore a new direction.🛤

I asked him about how much desire he feels in his life in general?

💗 You see sexual desire is creative desire, it’s the energy of life itself, and if it’s stifled in one area you can be sure that it is being stifled in other areas too.

He said “well now you mention it I don’t. I felt excited when I first started my business, and when I was first dating but then it left.🚪

“What about before you started your business, and before you started dating did you feel much desire then?” 💗

“No, now you mention it, most things feel flat. I’ve worked hard and strove to better myself for years and never allowed myself much or any time for anything else.”

Does this sound familiar?

We discovered that he’d never permitted himself to do something playful or joyful that was healthy in his adult life. Since the age of 15, he’d worked and strove to be better and be taken seriously. 😠

To him, the idea of play was something that felt great but wasn’t something he could allow until his life was better!

Yet, whenever his life got better and he had extra time he would fill it with more work. Or would create a project (usually a challenging relationship) that required his full attention.

No present moment play allowed!! 🛑

He realised that seriousness was his primary way of being. Everything he did was supporting this perspective but he couldn’t figure out why or how to stop it?

What we discovered was when he was 10 or 11 he started to act seriously to feel safe. This mask was a protection mechanism. Whenever he was feeling scared about things in his life that were out of his immediate control. ⛑

He’d developed his seriousness to protect himself. But now it was strangling his ability to grow. ☠️

This was a big breakthrough and a powerful lesson. We discovered that by choosing seriousness he created a life that was void of desire.

And a life void of desire is no life at all!

👨🏻‍✈️We generally think that we need to control our desires, and that’s true in the case of unhealthy desire. But when it comes to levelling up in life and business, we need to access our hearts desires to leap up to a new level of opportunity and service.

Higher-level opportunities and service = more money and time always. With the added extra of feeling in alignment with yourself. 🤩

A win, win, win. 🥇

But this equation must be reverse-engineered back to desire first before it can be possible.

If desires message isn’t heard it’s impossible to grow. And because desire feeds on joyful self-expression and play, we must activate these factors first to achieve Real Growth.

Real Growth = Fulfilment of our Hearts Desire! 💗

What we decided to do was to take a dedicated look at what was draining him and what he could do less off. And listed a bunch of hobbies, or activities that would be fun, for the sake of fun.

He began to replace constant work (usually in the form of constant worry) with 5% more playtime.

I’ll keep you updated on his results 🙂

Until then!!

Just For Today:

  • Scan your life, do you feel connected to your heart’s desire? Or are you trying to justify and explain why things are the way they are?
  • Notice if you’ve allowed yourself to be playful recently? Or spent time doing things with that are for no other purpose but the expansion of joy? 😊
  • Consider what your life, your business, your relationship will look like if you aren’t feeling and following your heart’s desire 💗
  • And decide if a small amount of play will be an investment worth making? And make it today, start listing what you would love to do and make time for it.
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Relationships

I am sat on the bus ride home from a wonderful New Year celebration in the countryside. The sun lights up the sky in brilliant clouds of pink and orange. I feel myself slow down inside and reflect on a decade of change.

💙🙏🏻

The start of a new year is always full of big promises, and a lot of them empty. But what I have come to realise once more today, is that so much of what I thought I needed when I started the year was not what I needed at all.

Have you ever found this to be true?

Today I have come to peace with the fact that I never really know what I need unless I slow down enough to listen to the voice of love that lives inside.

This voice is often concealed by a false voice masquerading as love.

A smart imposter with all the intelligence and quick-wittedness of me at my best only turned against myself.

What I realised this year, was that until we forgive ourselves for who we think we are, we can never become who we are destined to be.

So please take this is a little message from my heart to yours, as we walk into this decade together:

💙🙏🏻

Slow down. Walk tall. Breathe in deeply

Make a conscious connection to your heart. Be with you, all of you the light and the dark.

Your only job is to accept who you are, as you are. Connect with the child that lives within you. 

Become aware of all that he or she has been deprived of. Become the parent or leader you waited to come and save you back then.

Forgive yourself constantly in every moment. Forgive yourself profoundly, approach forgiveness like a man whose hair is on fire approaches a river.

Recognise the part of you that despises you, listen to it weave its nasty lies.

Be with it, don’t run away. Let the light of your loving presence dissolve it like salt in the river. Become aligned with the truth of who you truly are. 

Peel back the layers of self-hate. Take off the endless masks and false ideals. 

Come face to face with the loving essence you truly are.

Dream bigger, love bigger, give bigger

Quit convincing yourself that you know who you are.

You don’t.

And this is great news…

To everyone who I have supported and who have supported me this past year I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart 💙🙏🏻

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Leadership, Mastery, Relationships, State of Mind

🥣I was sitting with a bowl of Keto friendly vanilla ice cream the other night, marvelling at how this creation had no sugar in it and still tasted so yummy! 😋

Keto is my new thing at the moment, I have the positive peer pressure of my high performing friends Mark, Perry and Elom to thank for that! 💪

I digress, as I was eating this deliciousness 🍦I was thinking of all the ways you could complement this ice cream with different toppings and ingredients, flavours of every sort. 

🍨That’s the beauty of Vanilla Ice cream vs Chocolate or Strawberry, you can do anything with it and it will always work because of its vanilla!

This got me thinking about being classed as a vanilla kind of person. 👨‍💼Being someone who didn’t have a strong personality! A person who was easy to be around and can to blend into almost anything and improve that thing.

🧒🏻When I was growing up and looking for a male role model all I saw were men with big personalities fighting for attention, to me, this seemed to be what a real man was. 🥊

©So, I copied this, developing a strong personality that some would find overbearing and demanding. 

👺This personality developed further in high school with all the accompanying shame and fear that gets accumulated during our formative years. 

What I was left with was a flavour of personality that was becoming difficult to blend. 

Over the years I tried to improve my life and found success here and there, but what I didn’t realise until much later was that a stronger personality meant limitation. ⛓

Very little capacity for reinvention (the kind that transforms a bowl of vanilla ice cream into a hot fudge sundae or a banana split).

Have you ever experienced this, when you meet someone who is “set in their ways” no room for improvement or reinvention, just more of the same? 

Eventually, I realised that my ability to lead myself and others was not possible unless I began to strip away the personality I thought I was, to access my Core identity so to speak.

🏃🏼‍♂️Moving away from repetitive thoughts and behaviours that I had attached to WHO I AM. Such as people-pleasing, self-sabotage, and angry outbursts.

What I have found is that the more “vanilla” I become, the easier it is for me to become something else for a while without needing to stay that way permanently.🎭

Being vanilla means freedom from a pre-set outcome. A predetermined life. A permanent personality.

📚When you’re vanilla you become the Author of your own identity in each moment. Amazingly how the word Author and Authentic have the same etymological root) 

Could it be that real Authenticity is reinventing yourself from vanilla each time, each day, each moment? Like being a screenwriter and an actor at the same time! 

Can you imagine what that could do for you?  

To become an actor willing to take on any role, to BE or not to BE anyone you wish! without attachment?

So if you got this far, what are some of the limitations that your current flavour imposes on you? 

AND< Just for today, how could you be 5% more vanilla? 

With love,

Ryan

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