Listening, Relationships, State of Mind

Are You Strangling Your Desire with Seriousness

I was talking with a client recently about his lack of desire for his partner. How he feels like he doesn’t want to be sexual with her anymore.😰

Upset about this, scared about his future and wondering what he should do to improve things he asked what to do? 🤷🏻‍♂️

But instead of going deeper into the relationship topic, I decided to explore a new direction.🛤

I asked him about how much desire he feels in his life in general?

💗 You see sexual desire is creative desire, it’s the energy of life itself, and if it’s stifled in one area you can be sure that it is being stifled in other areas too.

He said “well now you mention it I don’t. I felt excited when I first started my business, and when I was first dating but then it left.🚪

“What about before you started your business, and before you started dating did you feel much desire then?” 💗

“No, now you mention it, most things feel flat. I’ve worked hard and strove to better myself for years and never allowed myself much or any time for anything else.”

Does this sound familiar?

We discovered that he’d never permitted himself to do something playful or joyful that was healthy in his adult life. Since the age of 15, he’d worked and strove to be better and be taken seriously. 😠

To him, the idea of play was something that felt great but wasn’t something he could allow until his life was better!

Yet, whenever his life got better and he had extra time he would fill it with more work. Or would create a project (usually a challenging relationship) that required his full attention.

No present moment play allowed!! 🛑

He realised that seriousness was his primary way of being. Everything he did was supporting this perspective but he couldn’t figure out why or how to stop it?

What we discovered was when he was 10 or 11 he started to act seriously to feel safe. This mask was a protection mechanism. Whenever he was feeling scared about things in his life that were out of his immediate control. ⛑

He’d developed his seriousness to protect himself. But now it was strangling his ability to grow. ☠️

This was a big breakthrough and a powerful lesson. We discovered that by choosing seriousness he created a life that was void of desire.

And a life void of desire is no life at all!

👨🏻‍✈️We generally think that we need to control our desires, and that’s true in the case of unhealthy desire. But when it comes to levelling up in life and business, we need to access our hearts desires to leap up to a new level of opportunity and service.

Higher-level opportunities and service = more money and time always. With the added extra of feeling in alignment with yourself. 🤩

A win, win, win. 🥇

But this equation must be reverse-engineered back to desire first before it can be possible.

If desires message isn’t heard it’s impossible to grow. And because desire feeds on joyful self-expression and play, we must activate these factors first to achieve Real Growth.

Real Growth = Fulfilment of our Hearts Desire! 💗

What we decided to do was to take a dedicated look at what was draining him and what he could do less off. And listed a bunch of hobbies, or activities that would be fun, for the sake of fun.

He began to replace constant work (usually in the form of constant worry) with 5% more playtime.

I’ll keep you updated on his results 🙂

Until then!!

Just For Today:

  • Scan your life, do you feel connected to your heart’s desire? Or are you trying to justify and explain why things are the way they are?
  • Notice if you’ve allowed yourself to be playful recently? Or spent time doing things with that are for no other purpose but the expansion of joy? 😊
  • Consider what your life, your business, your relationship will look like if you aren’t feeling and following your heart’s desire 💗
  • And decide if a small amount of play will be an investment worth making? And make it today, start listing what you would love to do and make time for it.